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by xheybails



Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-05
Updated: 2014-02-05
Packaged: 2018-02-18 06:12:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2338058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xheybails/pseuds/xheybails
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jane has some good news, but not everyone is excited about it. Especially Maura. Will they be able to recover from the damage caused, or will this finally be the end for them? Post 4x12. One Shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Home

“What is  _that_?”  
  
Maura looked up at her best friend with a look of shock mixed with a dash of disgust.  She couldn’t believe what she was seeing.  After her hasty conversation with Jane at the rehab center where Jane admitted that it was unfair of Casey to give her such an ultimatum, she was sure Jane would tell him no.  
  
“It’s an engagement ring, of course!” Jane said, grin on her face.  
  
“Yes, but what is it doing on your finger?  I thought you were going to tell him no.”  
  
The smile on Jane’s face fell instantly with Maura’s words, but the doctor couldn’t find it in her to feel any regret for what she had said.  
  
“Geez, Maur, I know you’re not Casey’s biggest fan or anything, but come on, I’m getting married!  I thought you’d be happy for me.”  
  
Maura couldn’t help the laugh that came out at Jane’s words, “You thought I would be  _happy_?”  
  
“Well, yeah.  I mean, I get it, it’s not some fairytale romance and I know you think I deserve better, but maybe I don’t.  Maybe this is what I’m meant to do.  Casey has already been hurt enough, I don’t want to hurt him any more.”  
  
There were a million words on the tip of Maura’s tongue, but she was too stunned to use any of them.  She wanted to yell, to scream, to shake Jane until she came to her senses, but she knew her best friend.  She knew Jane would never listen to her.  
  
With a defeated sigh, Maura’s face became cold, but polite.  It was a look she saved for the new detectives she worked with, or for her parent’s friends.   It was a look that said, ‘I will be nice to you and engage in small talk, but I don’t care to get to know you.’  
  
“Thank you, Jane,” she said, simply.  
  
“Wait, what?  Why are you thanking me?”  
  
Maura’s face turned even colder.  Gone was the façade of being polite.  She was tired of being polite.  Her entire life she had been covering up what she thought and what she felt so that she wasn’t a burden to others, but not anymore.  She couldn’t afford to do that with Jane.  Jane meant too much to her.  
  
“Thank you for proving to me just how unimportant I am to you.  If you hadn’t, I would have likely spent years wondering what I could have done differently; wondering how I could have changed your mind.  But maybe now, I can start to move on.”  
  
With that, Maura turned to enter her office, leaving behind a stunned Jane.  It took the detective a few seconds to respond and when she did, she ran after Maura, tugging at her arm so that she would turn and look at her.  
  
“Maura, honestly, what are you talking about?  You’re the most important thing in the world to me.  I thought you knew that,” she said, desperation apparent in her voice.  
  
“Obviously that isn’t true, Jane.  I love you.  I’ve been in love with you for years, and I know you know that.  I  _know_  you do.  And I know you feel the same.  Or at least, you did at one point.  I’ve waited patiently, all this time, because I knew this wasn’t easy for you, but this is too much, Jane,” Maura took a deep breath and wiped the lone, angry tear that had fallen to her cheek.  
  
The look of sadness that was etched on Jane’s features told Maura everything she needed to know.  She’d been right all those years when she thought Jane returned her feelings.  And she’d been right to assume that Jane knew how she felt.  For a long time, Maura was content to wait until Jane was ready, but she was done waiting.  
  
“You’re willing to break my heart to save Casey from pain,” she continued softly, “And that says everything.”  
  
Maura tugged her arm free from Jane’s grasp and made her way into her office, closing the door behind her.  Not once did she look back.  
  
 *****  
  
Three days had passed since Maura had last seen Jane.  
  
The first day was the hardest, she knew Jane was avoiding her at the station, sending Detective Frost down to retrieve the tox screen results, or sending Detective Korsak to observe her autopsy, instead of coming to the morgue herself, like she normally would.  
  
By the time Maura had gotten home from work, she was exhausted.  It took far too much out of her to avoid Jane and she wondered how she would manage to do it for the remainder of her time as Chief Medical Examiner if things didn’t change.  
  
She barely managed to change out of her dress before collapsing into her bed.  She lied awake for hours, going over every interaction she’d ever had with Jane.  She was making herself miserable, and she knew it, but she couldn’t make herself stop.  
  
Sometime around three or four in the morning, she finally succumbed to the exhaustion and drifted off to a restless sleep.  It wasn’t until a few hours later, when she awoke to the sounds of cooking in her kitchen that she even realized she had drifted off.  
  
She grabbed the closest outfit to her and didn’t realize until she’d put it on that they were the sweatpants Jane had left the other night.  She took a deep breath, willing her tears to stay at bay, and quickly changed into a pair of her yoga pants before making her way downstairs.  
  
“Oh, good morning, sweetie, I was just making us some breakfast.  How did you sleep?”  
  
Angela was currently pouring pancake batter onto the pan in front of her and didn’t look up until she handed Maura a cup of hot tea.  She was taken aback when she saw Maura’s appearance, hair disheveled, last night’s make up smudged, dark circles under her eyes.  
  
“Maura, what’s wrong?  You look like you haven’t slept a wink.”  
  
She reached over and pulled the blonde into a bone-crushing hug.  The two simply stood here, embracing, for several minutes and Maura felt her resolve to not cry fade by the second.  
  
“Your pancake is going to burn,” Maura finally choked out.  
  
“Let it burn.  I can make more.  Tell me what happened, honey.”  
  
Angela pulled back from their hug and held Maura firmly by the shoulders.  She reached up to move a stray hair from in front of the blonde’s eyes and nearly cried when she saw the look of pain on Maura’s face.  
  
“I…” Maura began, but truly, she didn’t know where to start.  She didn’t know how Angela would react to the truth about her relationship with Jane.  She knew the woman was rather strict about her Catholicism, and this was not something her religion approved of.  
  
“Is this about Janie getting married?” Angela asked bluntly.  Subtlety had never been her strong suit, but Maura seemed to appreciate the directness of her question.  She sighed in relief and took a seat at one of the bar stools at her counter.  
  
“I really thought she would say no,” Maura said, simply.  
  
“Me too.”  
  
Maura’s head shot up at Angela’s admission.  She hadn’t been expecting her to say that.  She’d been setting Jane up on dates for years, talking about how she needed to settle down and get married and have children.  Maura thought she would have been happy to know Jane was finally doing that.  
  
“Maura, you’ve been like a daughter to me,” Angela continued, “And I always thought…I guess I always thought maybe you really would be.  Officially, you know?”  
  
She paused, looking Maura in the eye, “Jane loves you, Maura.  I can see it, plain as daylight.  Everyone can see it, for that matter.  Surely, you can see it too.  She’s just scared.  And she needs time to come to terms with it.”  
  
“I’m afraid we might be out of time, Angela,” she admitted, unable to keep the tears at bay any longer.  Angela didn’t say another word; she simply wrapped Maura up in a hug and held on for as long as she needed her.  
  
 *****  
  
Two days later, it was Sunday evening and Maura hadn’t left the house since she’d arrived home from work on Friday.  Angela had tried her hardest to get the doctor to go out and do something to get her mind off Jane, but she couldn’t force herself.  
  
She’d lost a lot of people in her life.  She’d lost Garrett and she’d been sad about it, of course, but she had been more sad to find out that Garrett wasn’t the person she’d thought he was then about the fact that he was no longer in her life.  
  
Then there was Ian.  For years, she had waited for him, waited for him to show that she was more important than his work.  It had broke her heart when that day never came, but she realized now that her heart was broken because once again, she came in second.  
  
Of course, her situation with Jane wasn’t much different.  Once again, she came in second.  This time, not to Africa and sick children, but to Casey.  
It wasn’t the decision that she was mourning, however.  She could get over not getting what she wanted.  She could move on and maybe she would never be as happy with anyone else as she could have been with Jane, but one day, she would be happy enough.  
  
This time, she was mourning the loss of Jane’s presence in her life.  They could go on pretending for a long time that nothing would change, but Maura knew better.  Even if she hadn’t laid all her cards out on the table and admitted her love for Jane, nothing could have stayed the same.  
  
Gone would be their weekly sleepovers, their morning runs and afternoon trips to the gym.   They would no longer share pizza and ice cream after a long day at work.  Sure, they would see each other at work, but the visits outside of work would slowly trickle off until they ceased to exist.  
  
Jane would have a husband, and Maura could tell from their relationship already, Casey would keep her busy.  
  
And so, Maura mourned the loss of her best friend; the woman who had been the most important person in her life for years, but never could be again.  
  
It wasn’t until Sunday evening that she finally managed to force herself to leave the house.  She didn’t have a destination in mind, but she got in her car anyway and drove aimlessly around the city.  If nothing else, it would keep Angela from constantly hovering like she had been all weekend.  
  
Maura was grateful for the older woman’s support.  She knew it couldn’t be easy for her to essentially be on Maura’s side in the rift between the two girls and Maura didn’t want to take that for granted.  
  
But really, she could only eat so many pancakes.

*  
  
What started out as a light sprinkle when she left the house had turned into a downpour.  She’d been driving for over an hour when she finally decided to head home before the rain got too much worse.  
  
She pulled into her driveway, not looking forward to the walk from her car to her front door.  
  
She nearly jumped when she saw a figure sitting on her front stoop.  She immediately recognized the shape as Jane and didn’t know whether to be angry or excited at the site.  
  
Maura strode past Jane without so much as a glance in her direction.  She went inside the house and closed the door behind her.  A few minutes later, she found herself opening the door once again and handing Jane a couple towels.  
  
“Here, you’re soaking wet.  Did you walk here?”  
  
“Yeah, I thought the fresh air might be good for me, but then it started raining.  I thought about going home when you weren’t here, but I really need to talk to you.  So I waited.”  
  
“Are you looking for bonus points or something?” Maura asked, venom in her voice.  She then sighed, handing Jane some dry clothes.  “I’m sorry.  I’m just -”  
  
“No, it’s okay,” Jane cut her off, “I deserved that.  I deserve a lot worse than that.”  
  
“Go and change, Jane.  I’ll make us some coffee.”  
  
Maura stood alone in her kitchen, trying to figure out what it was Jane was doing here.  She seemed to realize that she had made a mistake and Maura couldn’t help but notice that she was no longer wearing an engagement ring.  
  
But she hoped Jane realized that she couldn’t just take back what she’d done.  Maura had been deeply hurt by Jane’s decision to marry Casey, and she wouldn’t just jump into Jane’s arms, everything forgiven, now that Jane had finally figured it out.  
  
Jane trudged back into the kitchen, shoulders slumped, and sat at one of the bar stools.  Maura handed her a cup of coffee and the two sat in silence for a few moments.  
  
“What are you doing here, Jane?”  
  
Jane sighed and rubbed at the scars on her hand, a nervous habit she had picked up in the last few years.  
  
“I’m such an idiot, Maura.  You were right, about everything.  I knew how you felt.  I never meant to make it seem like I didn’t care about you, I wasn’t lying when I said you mean everything to me.  I thought…I was trying to do you a favor.”  
  
She paused and looked up at Maura, who stood leaning against the counter, a look of confusion on her face.  That hadn’t been what she expected Jane to say at all.  
  
“You deserve so much more than me, Maura.  All I ever seem to do is hurt you, or put you in danger, you deserve someone who can keep you safe.  So I thought if I married Casey, maybe you would do that.  But I couldn’t go through with it.  I got home that night after work and Casey wouldn’t shut up about the stupid wedding, he kept asking me what I wanted and I realized I could only think of one thing I wanted.”  
  
Jane rose from her seat at the bar and moved to stand in front of Maura.  Maura lowered her gaze to the floor, but Jane lifted her head with her finger, before running a hand through her blonde curls.  
  
“The only thing I wanted was you.  I realized I didn’t care where it was or who was there or what I was wearing.  The only thing that matters to me is that you’re the one I’m marrying.  Not Casey.”  
  
“Jane, you can’t just…you can’t just come here and think everything will be okay now that you’re finally ready to admit how you feel about me.  You hurt me, Jane.  More than anyone ever has, and I can’t just forgive you that easily.”  
  
She looked up to Jane with a frown, sadness and regret written all over her face.  
  
“But you want to,” Jane replied, “I can tell that you want to.  And that’s okay.  I don’t deserve your forgiveness.  Yet.  All I want is for you to give me a chance.  One chance to prove to you how much I love you.”  
  
She wanted to say no.  She wanted to throw Jane out and go up to her room and spend the rest of the evening crying into her pillow.  She didn’t want to give Jane a chance because she knew if she were to lose Jane again, she might not recover.  
  
She surprised herself when she heard herself say ‘okay,’ and she couldn’t help but feel a bit of happiness when Jane pulled her into a hug.  
  
She didn’t know how long they stood there; seconds, minutes, hours.    
  
All she knew was that she was home.


End file.
